My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
