Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
