Who wears a wallet chain?!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
