he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
