is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
