The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
