If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize