She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
