Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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