the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
