sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
