You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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