Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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