I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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