That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
