whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
