Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
