i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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