I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
