Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
