i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
smell my finger.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
