apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
