so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
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Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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