Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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