weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
