we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Everything about him screamed your future.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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