So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
