She is in my trunk
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
