I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize