1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
