You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
