last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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