Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
