Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
