oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
false alarm, still single
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
