...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
