Say something about gay babies.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
