4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
