girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
