my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
