she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
