I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
