I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
