the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
