i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
