WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
