so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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