Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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