I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
