I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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