guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
