I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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