That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
