There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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