am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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