so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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