It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
