Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
