How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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