Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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