I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
