just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
