no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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