Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
