cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
