i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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