I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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