I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
