If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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