The maid of honor just puked.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
