Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
