White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
