You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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