remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
nutella sex= disaster
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize